Eternal Families: A Part of God's Plan

For this blog entry I have chosen to focus on the family as a part of God's plan. I find this topic particularly meaningful, as it makes up a large part of the testimony I have developed of Christ's restored gospel and Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the family is declared as "central to the creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his children." The organization of the family has been a part of the Lord's plan and creation since the very beginning of time, and in at the center of His plan for us. My intended audience has been fellow Latter-day Saints, but anyone can learn more about the Plan of Salvation here. :)

* the original image can be found here

My intent is this blog entry is to share my personal testimony of the eternal family as a part of God's plan. My hope is that it may touch your own heart, and strengthen (or be the start to growing) your own testimony.

In the beginning, God created us, His spirit children. He is our Father, and we are all a part of His family. Marriage and family has been a part of His plan, and was instituted in the beginning. The Lord created the earth as a place for families to go, to learn and progress; a place where we could experience trials and tribulations, and experience joy. He knew that we could not experience this fullness without a family. Though we are imperfect, the Savior has made it possible, through His Atonement, for us to return to our Father in Heaven - as a family, to live together eternally.  Marriage and families are able to be made eternal through a sealing on earth and in heaven, which is made possible through the priesthood, and temple covenants. As we remain faithful to our covenants, His promised blessings will be ours, and we can be a family eternally, and receive a fullness of joy.

Elder Hugh B. Brown once stated:

"The family concept is one of the major and most important of the whole theological doctrine. In fact, our very concept of heaven itself is the projection of the home into eternity. Salvation, then, is essentially a family affair, and full participation in the plan of salvation can be had only in family units."

It is my testimony that all that I have shared is true. Outside of my relationship with the Lord, there is nothing that means more to me than my family. They have been the very reason for almost everything I have ever chosen to do that is good in my life, including the decision to serve a full-time mission. They are my everything, and I know I can be with them eternally as I remain faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ. We may not be perfect, but we can be perfected through Him and His Atonement, and find great joy individually and as families.

My prayer is that we can all experience the joy of family life, and never let anything come between us that hinders us from reaching our divine potential as a family unit. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and my family with all my heart, and will do whatever it takes to be with them forever, because I know that it is where true joy and love is found.

Here is an old photo of me and my beautiful family:

And as an additional resource, I wanted to share one of my favorite videos on personal testimony of the Plan of Salvation:

Repentance and Forgiveness

Repentance and forgiveness are relatively heavy topics to address. There is no way I could ever cover all of my thoughts on the subject, or share everything I have ever learned regarding repentance and forgiveness in one blog entry, and that is why I want to focus on just a few things regarding the two.

Why should I repent and forgive?

Repentance and forgiveness have been common themes found throughout the Bible, The Book of Mormon, and other religious documents. It is even commonly practiced among many irreligious people now as well.

From a doctrinal standpoint, the need for repentance and forgiveness are made clear by the Lord through His servants. President David O. McKay once stated that no "principle or ordinance of the gospel" is "more essential to the salvation of the human family than the divine and eternally operative principle [of] repentance." Forgiveness is spoken of in a similar fashion, especially since the two go hand in hand. Christ clearly taught that in order to be forgiven, we too must forgive (Mark 11:25-26). Repentance and forgiveness are not always easy, but are made possible through Christ. Each is an essential prerequisite for our eternal salvation, and from a doctrinal standpoint, that is why we should repent and forgive.

Additional blessings of repentance and forgiveness are more universal to those of differing faiths, including the irreligious. Repentance and forgiveness can repair relationships, and also increase one's emotional and physical health. When we withhold forgiveness, the opposite becomes true - there are greater risks to our emotional and physical health.

How do I repent and forgive?

Repentance and forgiveness are very personal, and the process of each is never exactly the same for everyone. The Church of Jesus Christ has provided some wonderful resources regarding both though. Each has been broken down into steps that we can follow. They have been very beneficial to me personally, so I feel it is important to share these steps with others as well.

5 Steps of Repentance:

1. Recognize the sin.
2. Feel sorrow for the sin.
3. Forsake the sin.
4. Confess.
5. Make restitution.

*For more detail on each of these steps, visit the following link at LDS.org: https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-19-repentance?lang=eng

The following steps provided regarding forgiveness were created by Everett Worthington, and can be found in scholarly literature, as well as in some online platforms.

5 Steps of Forgiveness:

1. Recall the hurt.
2. Empathize.
3. Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness.
4. Commit publicly to forgive.
5. Hold on to forgiveness.

*For more on each of these steps, follow the following link: http://www.evworthington-forgiveness.com/research/

I have experienced a great deal of repentance and forgiveness in my personal life, and I know that as I continually repent, and find it in my heart to forgive, I have been much happier. There is a power of healing and peace that comes when we repent and forgive, and I know that it is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. While not always easy, the Lord makes it possible. My hope and prayer is that the truths I have shared in this blog entry may bless and help you, as they have blessed and helped me.

Additional Resources:

"The Savior Wants to Forgive," by Elder Craig A. Cardon

"Repentance: A Joyful Choice," by Elder Dale G. Renlund

"Repentance and Forgiveness," by President Thomas S. Monson

Divorce

I don't think I have ever met somebody who did not want a healthy and lasting relationship. Almost everyone I know wants a marriage that lasts, yet not everyone I know has been able to have one. The older I get, the more people I know that have been divorced, or are in the process of getting a divorce.

Divorce is a sensitive topic for many. Regardless of whether or not the decision to divorce is mutual or not, it is still a difficult and painful process, especially if children are involved. A divorce researcher once said that "for a young child, psychologically, divorce is the equivalent of lifting a hundred-pound weight over the head. Processing all the radical and unprecedented changes - loss of a parent, loss of a home, of friends - stretched immature cognitive and emotional abilities to the absolute limit and sometimes beyond that limit" (Hawkins, pg. 79).

My own mother is the daughter of divorced parents, and it had a significant impact on her growing up, just as described above. She and her siblings moved with their mother to a new state, switched to a new school, and had to adjust to a completely new life. They rarely saw their father, and their mother had to work a lot in order to support them. My mother has shared many of her experiences with me, and there were a lot of fears she had to overcome to get to where she is now in her life. The fact of the matter is, divorce is not an easy thing, and should not be taken lightly.

I'm not going to sit here at my computer and tell people whether or not they should get divorced, but I do want to share a few thoughts (Hawkins, pg. 85):

1. The Lord's standards for just divorce are high, and the decision to divorce should not be taken lightly.
2. Wisdom, humility, and effort are needed in order to repair a troubled marriage.
3. Some divorces are necessary and just (i.e. violation of marital covenants - continual abuse, infidelity, and so on).
4. When struggling in a marriage, and/or in the process of divorce, seek help and support (i.e. priesthood leaders, marriage counselors, family, and friends).
5. Personal and couple prayer is always important, especially in times of marital strife. 
6. It is important to keep the Lord and His gospel a part of your daily life.

Below is a wonderful video entitled "Marriage and Divorce," released by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a few years ago:

While not all marriages can be saved, many could be that aren't. It is my testimony that the Lord wants us to be happy, and He wants us to be able to have an eternal marriage and family, and find joy in His plan. Even if you are divorced, that does not mean you cannot find happiness or love ever again. My grandmother may not have ever remarried, but she was able to find happiness in/through the gospel of Jesus Christ. As a child of divorce, my mother has been able to overcome the difficulties it brought, and has now been married for over thirty years, has eight children of her own, and three grandchildren. Not all relationships have to end in heartache, and happiness is not out of reach, no matter what you have done, and what you have to endure.

Recommended Resources that I have read:
"Divorce" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng
Covenant Hearts, by Bruce C. Hafen.

Finding Healing in Illness and Death

Illness and death is a normal part of life. Physical death is inevitable, while illness is likely to be something we all experience, whether personally or with a loved one. I have experienced my fair share of both. A few of those experience consist of:

• The loss of multiple friends, due to different unexpected deaths (all between the ages of 17 to 26 years old).
• The passing of my niece while I was serving my mission in 2013. 
• And most recently, the passing of both of my grandmothers, not even a month apart, earlier this year, both of who died from illness rather than old age.

I would be lying if I said I didn't mourn these losses. I would be lying if I said I did not feel excruciating pain. I shed a lot of tears, and had many sleepless nights. Some hurt worse than others, but each experience still hurt. Sometimes I relive the pain, but that does not mean I cannot find healing.

Since the passing of my grandmothers is the most recent, I will focus on that experience. My paternal grandmother passed away from cancer, just weeks before I was planning on returning home for the summer. My maternal grandmother passed away just a week or so after I had returned home. I was by her bedside when she died, and the tears poured out as if they would never cease. I was very close with both of my grandmothers, and couldn't help but feel for a moment that they were lost too soon.

My Grandma and Grandpa Freeman at the hospital before her passing.

Holding my Grandmother Hansen's hand shortly before her passing.

I was sad, but I am not broken, and I want to share some of the reasons why:

• I allow myself to mourn, and think of those I have loved and lost.
• I have an understanding and testimony of the Lord's plan of salvation.
• My testimony has helped me develop an eternal perspective.
• I turn to the Savior and utilize His Atonement.

When we mourn, it more fully shows our capacity to love. Elder Russell M. Nelson once said:

"Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandments: 'Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die' (D&C 42:45).... The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."

To correlate what Elder Nelson has said with the Plan of Salvation and the Atonement of Jesus Christ: it is because of the Savior's love for us that He atoned for us. Love was His strength. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that we would not have to endure these hardships alone. He makes it possible for us to return to our Father in Heaven, and be united with our family and loved ones again. It is through Him that we find healing for all that we have done, and all that we have endured in this life.

With this understanding, I am able to have a more eternal perspective, and that is because I know that the pain I feel is not in vain. Rather, it is for my growth and benefit. It is because of an eternal perspective that I am able to know that I will see my loved ones again, and that I can find healing in hard times. 

In closing of this blog entry, I want to share one final quote:

"As we realize that the blessings of the Atonement extend to all of life's suffering and that the Lord truly understands our personal situations, we can more fully turn to the Savior in times of illness or death and accept His invitation: 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls' (Matthew 11:28-29)" (Hawkins, pg. 245).

My prayer is that you may all find the same healing I have been able to find as you turn to the Lord, and that what I have shared may be of help and/or a good reminder to you in your times of need.

The Blessings of Family Work

One of the greatest things my parents have ever done for my siblings and I was having us work together as a family. This work went far beyond the usual "clean your room." My parents always seemed to find ways for me and my siblings to work with them, and with one another. Whether it was through mundane tasks, or huge projects, the opportunities were endless. Some of the things we did included (but are not limited to):

1. Gardening/weeding
2. Mowing the lawn (depending on age)
3. Yard work
4. Cleaning the house (“spring cleaning”)
5. Washing the cars
6. Making dinner
7. Building our house together as a family

Yes, it's good that we were able to do these things, but why was family work such a blessing?

My siblings and I did not always work in perfect harmony, in fact, there were times that we would end up arguing to the point that our parents could have very easily justified discontinuing the work we did. They didn't though, and I am so grateful for that now.

As time went on (and the family work/projects continued), I came to realize that the more we worked with one another, the more harmony there was between us. We became more in sync, and were able to better serve one another and recognize each other’s needs, and that would not be the case if it were not for work. It wasn't necessarily the size of the task at hand, but rather more so about the time we spent with one another. We developed problem solving skills, communication skills, and a more genuine interest in one another.

I remember a conversation I once had with my sister while we were painting one of the bedrooms in our home. She shared some of the concerns and issues she had been dealing with in her life. We were able to have a meaningful conversation, and it provided her the opportunity to share some things she usually wouldn't disclose so easily. I pondered why she would share such things, and came to realize that it was because of the sense of bonding formed as we worked with one another side by side. I have had many experiences like this one with my sister, and as a result, I am far closer with my family.

Photos of my two youngest siblings and I, taken while painting one of the rooms in our house:

Elder Russell M. Nelson once said:

"The home is the great laboratory of love. There the raw chemicals of selfishness and greed are melded in the crucible of cooperation to yield compassionate concern and love one for another."

Work has played a significant role in my family's "laboratory of love," and I am so thankful for the blessing it has been. 

The Power of Prayer in Family Relationships

Growing up, my family has tried to keep family prayer a part of our daily routine. There have been times where we have been consistent, and other times where we have fallen out of the pattern of holding family prayer. Whenever we recognize that we have fallen out of the habit to pray daily as a family, we have made an effort to correct our actions and reestablish the habit... But why?

President Thomas S. Monson shared counsel that he had once received as a newly wed:

"Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, [you], offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night, [your spouse], offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another."

The same can be applied to the family. Family prayer is a way in which to be united as one. When my family has fallen out of the habit, we became far more likely to argue, quarrel, disagree, and hold ill feelings towards one another. However, when we consistently pray as a family, we argue, quarrel, disagree, and hold ill feelings far less. Family prayer does not make us perfect, but helps us to become better perfected, and that is because it is one of the greatest ways to keep God as a part of our family relationships. Prayer is a sanctifying power that can heal and strengthen relationships.

Below is one of my favorite Mormon Messages on prayer. Although not directed toward the family, but rather an individual, there are some great lessons that can be learned from this woman's personal experience with prayer:

In the video she shared that prayer had made her more loving, more humble, and more devoted to God. I know that prayer has helped me in all of these things as well, especially with my family, but the blessings are not limited to only those things.

Some of the greatest blessings I have experienced from family prayer are:

1. Love
2. Patience
3. Forgiveness
4. Humility
5. A deeper bond with my family
6. Greater devotion
7. An increase in Spirit
8. Happiness
9. Peace
10. Alleviated anger

"Indeed, prayer helps [families] in good times and bad times. During the good times, including God in the relationship through prayer helps people to view their [family members] through God's eyes and come to view the relationship as holy and sacred. This outlook can protect [families] from the fiery darts that the adversary throws at relationships" (Hawkins, pg. 199).

It is may testimony that prayer strengthens our relationship with our Father in Heaven, as well as with our family members. I have experienced the difference it makes in my own life, when I have and have not prayed. The Spirit cannot dwell in a place where He is not welcomed, and where there is not peace. Prayer is a way in which to invite the Spirit into our homes, and a means by which the family unit can be strengthened, and find greater peace.

Wholesome Recreational Activities

In my last blog post, I spoke about my extended family, and emphasized the importance of family as a part of our Heavenly Father's plan. Family truly is so important, so I am going to talk about family again in this entry as well! However, in this entry, I want to focus more so on my immediate family, and the importance of what "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" refers to as "wholesome recreational activities."

Recreational activities do not have to be extravagant, and although they are meant to be fun, it is important that they are also a way in which we can bond with our family members. Research studies regarding family recreation have provided evidence in how to make "wise recreational choices" (Hawkins, pg. 230).

In studies of married couples, participating in activities both partners enjoy was not necessarily as important/effective as participating in a joint- recreational activity, meaning that there are high levels of communication and interdependence. This could include something as simple as playing a game like checkers, or going on a hike.

When a couple has children however, it is important to also choose activities that help children become flexible and curious (Hawkins, pg. 231). I can think of many great examples of what this means from my own childhood. My parents had my siblings and I involved in many sports, including soccer, basketball, and baseball. As a young child, my mom was my soccer coach for a season, and my dad was my, as well as my other siblings, basketball and baseball coach for many years. Each of my parents were actively involved, and through coaching us in various sports and having my siblings and I play on teams together, we were able to bond. Our parents taught us kindness, sportsmanship, and helped us gain confidence and security.

That was not all we gained though. Research also shows that  recreational activities promotes healthy adolescent identity development (Hawkins 231), and as my siblings and I got older, my father no longer coached us, but that did not keep us from spending time together in other ways. Whether it was playing a board-game, or going camping, we made sure to make recreational activities a part of our family life, and I can personally say from experience that it definitely helped me in my identity development. I did not suffer from very many problematic behaviors, had greater confidence in myself, and was a pretty good/well-behaved teenager; I know much of that can be attributed to my family life. Of course, we were not perfect, but our time spent together made a significant difference.

There are so many different options of things our families can do when it comes to wholesome recreation. I'm not going to tell anyone what they should specifically do, but I will say that it is important to make sure that many of the activities you do with your spouse and family are interactive, and positively contribute to the family. Do things that are fun, communicative, challenging, and/or memorable.

"Just as honest toil gives rest its sweetness, wholesome recreation is the friend and steadying companion of work."  -Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Wholesome recreation has taught me not only how to have fun, but how to work hard, and work well with others. I am so grateful that my parents taught me the importance of family recreation at a young age, and my hope is to carry that on in my own family one day.

Going on an ATV ride with a some of my siblings as part of one of our family recreation activities: