The purpose in my post is not to tell people how to develop romantic relationships, especially from an amateur like me. Rather, my intent is to share some of the things I have learned from a gospel perspective, and from my personal experiences as I navigate this thing we call "dating."
Not too long ago I read a quote from President Thomas S. Monson, in which he addressed the decision to ask his future wife on a date: "That decision, I believe, was perhaps the most important [decision] that I have ever made" (italics added for emphasis). To hear a prophet of God say that it was the most important decision he had ever made was quite alarming, and caused me to reflect on my own dating practices.
Was I going about dating in such a way? Was I taking it seriously enough? Did I see my dating practices as important? There are so many questions that could be asked. To my relief, I was able to tell myself that dating for such reasons was important to me, but that did not mean there weren't ways in which I could improve.
With that said, I wanted to share a few tips that I have found useful in the process of dating:
1. Take care of yourself: You may be thinking "What? Are you asking me to think of myself first? I thought successful relationships were meant to be selfless!" You aren't entirely wrong; being selfless is very important in a relationship, but it's hard to truly serve and take care of others when you are not taking care of yourself.
The best way to truly take care of yourself is rather simple: living the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our Savior is the best doctor, and no doctor knows His patients (us) better than He does. The gospel of Jesus Christ is for everyone, but some people may need additional help in living life to the fullest. I have many friends and family members who suffer from varying forms of anxiety, depression, and so on. Don't be afraid to seek help, and find the best medication and treatments for you! But during that process, make sure to keep the Savior close, and seek guidance from Heavenly Father.
By taking care of ourselves, we become far more suitable for dating. So, what's an important part of the dating process?
2. Avoid having physical/sexual intimacies too soon: We live in a time where physical intimacy plays a huge role in a relationship, and often times far too soon. When we allow physical intimacies to enter early in a relationship, we are choosing to succumb to the natural man; our lustful and selfish desires (Mosiah 3:19).
I have learned from my own personal experience just how important it is to hold off on deep physical aspects early on in a relationship, and even prior to marriage. When we allow such things to enter, our judgment can be clouded and even worse, we become far more likely to enter down a path of unrighteousness and sin. Set boundaries and standards for yourself to keep and follow. For example, we have been advised by LDS leaders to abstain from passionate kissing while dating, which is something commonly done in today's world between individuals; sometimes individuals who are not even dating.
I will not tell you the exact standards you should set for yourself. However, I do know that as we follow the counsel of prophets and apostles, both biblical and modern, and establish a set of standards and guidelines to follow that are in line with the standards and will of the Lord, we will be protected and blessed. We will have the gift of the Holy Spirit with us.
So, if you're supposed to avoid sexual intimacy in varying degrees prior to marriage, what do you do?
3. Really get to know someone: With a set of standards and guidelines to follow, you have one less area to worry about in clouding your judgement. Getting too physical too fast can cloud judgment, and getting to know someone is really important, especially if you plan on eventually being with someone for eternity. Eternity is a long time, after all!
I've come to learn that one of the best ways to really get to know someone is by simply becoming their friend. For me, our eternal companion should ultimately be our best friend, and when I view dating as a way to develop friendships it is far less intimidating. Dating is, after all, a simple way to get to know someone of the opposite sex.
In an article entitled "Marriage Prep 101" by Brad Wilcox, one couple shared the following: “Don’t think about love and romance as much as you think about friendship and fun... Don’t have boyfriends and girlfriends too early. Just have friends." They went on to say that “although dating is an important part of social development and can be a lot of fun, it is not how you learn to be a good husband or wife. You learn those skills more in other relationships with friends and family.”
I know for myself that as I have taken the time to get to know people and develop good friendships, I have learned a tremendous amount about what is really essential and important in my (future) eternal companionship. I have also experienced a lot of growth, and found ways in which I could improve. It has been a very fun and enjoyable time.
Dating can turn into a courtship, which can turn into an engagement, which can then become an eternal marriage. I have not made it to the stage of engagement or eternal marriage yet, but I know that by exercising these three tips in my life, and by staying close to the Lord, I can. There is a lot that could be said regarding the topic of dating, but my hope is that these three tips may be able to help you in someway!
What are some of the tips you follow in dating?
No comments:
Post a Comment